Based on a number of my recent conversations, it appears that there is a healthy respect for the value of mentoring – formal or informal – among financial advisers.
At the same time, in the context of last month’s article on governance, I think that more people could benefit from a mentoring relationship; and some people could be more effective in their mentoring. So first of all, what is a mentor? It is a term that is widely used and often misunderstood.
My description of a mentor is: someone who employs their relevant wisdom and experience for the benefit of another person through a trusted one-on-one relationship. My favourite definition is provided by mentoring specialist Ann Rolfe who says: “Mentoring is an alliance that creates a space for dialogue, that results in reflection, action and learning.”
In any event, if the mentoring relationship is to be successful, the communication process must be very effective. The most important communication skills for the mentor are listening, listening and listening. It may sound obvious, but good-quality listening is not easy to deliver. Why?
1. Judgment can get in the way.
It is not easy to suspend judgment when listening to an account of someone else’s behaviour – but that is exactly what is required. As Jim Stackpool (founder of SCAT) says: “Trust cannot be built when judgment is present.” If you, as a mentor, are thinking “what a silly thing to do”, that’s judgment. And that will impede your relationship.
2 Ego can get in the way.
There is a big difference between empathy and what executive coach Matt Donnan calls “autobiographical listening”. Let’s say that the mentee is outlining a situation and you, as the mentor, respond with, “that sounds like the time that I…”. That’s autobiographical listening. Remember, it’s supposed to be about them, not you.
3 Solutions can get in the way.
I know that mentors are meant to be helpful, but you are not really listening if you are thinking about a solution while the mentee is still speaking. If you, as a mentor, respond with anything that includes the words “should”, “must” or “have to”, that’s a solution. Most mentees are looking for you to guide them, not dictate to them. For the mentee, the most important things that you can bring to the communication table are openness, honesty and a willingness to change. If you, as a mentee, want a different outcome in some aspect of your life, then I suggest that you will need to do something different. That is not easy, particularly if you have been doing something the same way for a long time. It’s easy to get new ideas into your head – it’s really hard to get the old ideas out of your head. It requires: honesty to admit that the old way is not working; openness to listen (without judgment) to a new way of doing it; courage to implement the new way; and trust in the mentor to be able to report back on the experience. My final reminder is about the importance of feedback for mentors and mentees. There is value in a quick two-way debrief at the end of each conversation. What worked well? What could be done differently next time to improve the experience? It is also critical that the feedback from the mentee on the actions that he or she has undertaken is accurate and complete. If you, as the mentee, are not reporting the full story, then who is fooling who? These are the best of times for financial advisers to learn from a mentor – and to act as a mentor for younger advisers.
