There’s an election due in the US in not much more than a year from now. And that’s good news for a big ol’ bunch of reasons.
It’s good news if you believe that global share markets rally in an election year. Goodness knows we could use one. It’s good news if you enjoy watching pundits trying to explain how the most convoluted electoral system in the democratic world actually works, and then trying to pick a winner out of it all. But most of all, it’s good news if you believe that there’s nothing more joyous nor entertaining than watching the nutcases and whack-jobs vying to win their party’s presidential nomination.
There’s nothing I can write about the US presidential election process that hasn’t already been written before, much better, and somewhere else. It’s an absolutely extraordinary circus. Actually, circus only describes it if a circus were to have two opposing troupes, performing simultaneously and competing to see who can draw the biggest crowd, all gathered under the same big top.
It’s understandable in an environment of intense competition that each party will try to outdo the other with ever- more-insane acrobatic stunts, the most daring things you can do with a big cat, and the most entertaining clowns.
Whenever I go to a circus, it’s the clowns that interest me most; and right now, my stand-out favourite is Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.
“She applies her make-up more carefully than that, and her shoes fit her better. Also, the brooch on her jacket doesn’t squirt water, and she has a larger car”
(The US humorist Jack Handey once remarked:“To me, clowns aren’t funny – in fact, they’re kind of scary. I wonder where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my father.”)
I’m not saying Bachmann is a clown – she applies her make-up more carefully than that, and her shoes fit her better. Also, the brooch on her jacket doesn’t squirt water, and she has a larger car.
And I’m not saying she’s a nutcase or whack-job, either. In any case (nut or otherwise), her husband Marcus runs what’s described as a “mental healthcare business”, which appears to have developed some ground-breaking theories on gender identity. If she were any kind of loony, I imagine both of them would be well placed to recognise it.
She’s one of those political candidates that pops up from time to time, who is easy enough on the eye but whose true entertainment value becomes apparent when she opens her mouth. And, provided she hangs in for long enough, the upcoming presidential race is going to be a LOT of fun.
You can get a taste of how she’s going, and is likely to go, in the nomination race from YouTube. I recommend you spend a few minutes listening to what she has to say. I like her so much, I’ve signed up for regular updates from her campaign. This campaign is not going to be easy, but she’s grateful to have me by her side (she says). And I’ll be there, all the way to oblivion or the White House, whichever comes first. If I could make a donation to keep this show on the road I would, but I can’t, because I’m not a US citizen.
Bachmann is a Republican (they’re the elephants; the Democrats are the donkeys). She’s from Minnesota, on the US-Canada border (you can’t quite see Russia from there). It gets cold in Minnesota, I know that. It hit minus 51 degrees celsius (yes, celsius) there in 1996, and meteorologically speaking it’s pretty lively, so I guess a lot of people stay indoors as much as possible. It’s sometimes referred to as the gopher state. There’s an obvious segue here, but I’m not going to touch it.
Bachmann’s website describes has as a former tax attorney, mother of five and foster mother of 23. Truly. She also appeared at a rally in the days following Hurricane Irene to express the opinion that natural disasters are God’s way of telling politicians to listen to the American people and curb spending. Then she said she was only joking. Did I mention that she’s an evangelical Christian? Not that there’s anything wrong with that – context, you understand.
She’s also a member of the Tea Party, and (it says on her website) she formed the Tea Party Caucus. Given that I thought a tea party was a kind of caucus anyway, only involving scones and jam, the existence of this group caught me by surprise. It hasn’t got off to the best of starts, unfortunately, given that one of the Tea Party’s leading lights appeared initially not to know the caucus even existed.
I hope they’ve ironed out that problem, because there’s nothing worse than throwing a party and having no one turn up. And this party has to keep me entertained for almost another year.
Dixon Bainbridge likes to vote early and vote often whenever an election opportunity presents itself. You can discuss your psephological predilections with him at info@professionalplanner.com.au
