The need to be right is a basic human psychological impulse and is often the catalyst for the destruction of business and personal relationships.
It is innate. Our need to be right – or more correctly, our need not to be proved wrong – is fundamental. Psychologists say the younger a child is when they start to lie, the more intelligent they are likely to be.
How does this apply to customer service? Directly.
Say you are the owner of a restaurant and a customer says the food is terrible. Your first instinct is to defend yourself from the accusation. You may tell the customer the chef is world-renowned, or that you have won awards for your food.
That is entirely the wrong thing to do, and is more likely than the quality of the food to lead to you losing that customer.
Biggest hurdle
Our need to prove ourselves right at the expense of the customer is the single major obstacle to becoming a business with a reputation for outstanding customer service.
The adage “the customer is always right” is definitely not true. Many times the customer is wrong and sometimes they are a pain in the neck. But the customer must walk away thinking they are right if you want them to come back. If there is a complaint, the customer must be able to save face and have the complaint resolved if they are to be a customer again.
When customers spend their money, it’s fundamental to their relationship with the business that their ego is preserved during the experience. Sticking with the restaurant theme, my wife and I were at a restaurant with another couple and the waiter was taking our drinks order. I ordered a Coke and the waiter said they didn’t have Coke, they had Pepsi. I said that’s fine. I then said to my friends that I remember from my old marketing days that Pepsi used to beat Coke in blind tests and most people couldn’t tell the difference anyway.
The waiter corrected me. He said he had also studied marketing and the recent evidence was that Coke beat Pepsi and people can indeed tell the difference.
I wanted to tell the waiter to rack off! It’s not his job to correct my errors. But his need to be right was greater than his need to have a satisfied customer. We laughed about the incident at the table but I was embarrassed and my wife and I have never returned to that restaurant.
Am I saying we need to suppress a basic human need to be right to be providers of good customer service? Yes!
What should we use to replace our first instinct for defence and justification when we hear a complaint or something we don’t agree with? First, empathy. When you are kept waiting by anyone in a business, the first thing they should say is, “I am terribly sorry for keeping you waiting. I appreciate your time is valuable.”
Second, validation. The last few weeks of my father’s life were traumatic. I was at the hospital every day and I was becoming quite a pain in the neck to the staff whenever I couldn’t get answers or talk to his doctor.
One day, the doctor took me aside. I thought he was going to reprimand me, but he did exactly the opposite. He said: “I appreciate your frustration but we are doing everything we can for your father. I also want to tell you that you are a very good son. You are here every day and many other patients don’t have a loved one who cares for them like you. I hope when my time comes, my son will be there for me like you are for your father.”
I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and ceased to be a pain in the neck to staff.
Sometimes, when customers act poorly, a little empathy and validation can make them much easier to deal with. I have taught the use of validation with great success in the childcare and aged-care industries, but its application is much wider.
Especially in social media
Avoiding that first instinct to protest innocence instead of acknowledging the customer’s concern applies particularly to social media.
If you receive criticism on Facebook, don’t fight with the customer online. When angry people complain on social media, they often will embellish the story for effect. If you try to prove their accusation false or ridiculously exaggerated, you can come across as unconcerned at best and a bully at worst. People reading the exchange may relate to the customer, rather than the service provider and may decide not to do business with you based purely on the way you communicate with a complaining customer.
Don’t try to work out who’s right or wrong online. Try to resolve the issue offline. Say you’d like to buy them a cup of coffee and listen to them in more detail to help resolve the issue.
Even if they don’t turn up for the coffee, the fact that you acknowledged them and offered goodwill may stop them badmouthing your business. Plus, other people will see you as a business responsive to the needs of customers, rather than as someone who abuses anyone who complains.
If we can change our instinctive response of defensiveness and justification to empathy and a desire to make the customer happy, we can greatly enhance the perception of our business in the minds of customers and those with whom they communicate.
I remember many years ago hearing Oprah Winfrey say on her show, when talking about relationships: “You can go through life being right or being successful and happy – but you can’t have both!”
I am happy to give up the need to be right for a little bit more success and happiness. What about you?
*Martin Grunstein frequently gives presentations on customer service. www.martingrunstein.com.au
